How do you know a person is uncoachable? Providing that you as the coach are not adding to the person’s reluctance, you will see a defensiveness and an unwillingness to self-evaluate. I have heard such phrases as, “I don’t do homework.” “No, I’m fine, it has to be the other person.” A subtler trait is that they will talk as if they are all about change, and “doing whatever I need to do,” but the action and activity is more about defending their actions, the way they did something…why they are right.
These people are often very talented and have been successful, which further feeds their rationale that they don’t need to change because what they’ve been doing is working. They also tend to be more assertive than most people, and more task oriented (they have a strong “D” trait if you’re familiar with DISC). This tendency (uncoachable) isn’t exclusive to the D trait, but of the behavior styles, more D’s are uncoachable than the others.
If I sense that they may be uncoachable then I might ask them, “Will your current way of doing things insure success six months, a year, two years, five years from now? Stated another way, “Will what got you here get you there?”
In the end you will not coerce, bully, or threaten any person into a coaching relationship. They have to recognize at some level that they need help, even if they don’t know what that help is. I had one client tell me, “I need to have better relationships with my people, but I don’t know how.” Perfect, a starting point.
Sometimes, the most we can hope for is clarity. Clarity of what the consequences are if a behavior is not improved. “What happens if you don’t make the changes that your boss (or you) want you to make?” They may answer, “I’ll be fired.” Your response then might be, “Is that okay?” All the while we are trying to help create a gap between what they want and what they are currently doing in order to create motivation to make some change. If we are unsuccessful, there is no basis for the coaching to continue.
To a more effective you…
Jim
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