You’ve heard of the “two-edged sword.” One of the greatest examples of this is choice. On the one hand it is through choice that we have the opportunity to fulfill the highest version of our self, influence others, change the world. One the other, equally sharp side of the sword, we can make choices that can have devastating consequences, many times unintended consequences. Some of those choices are in the moment (the horrific shooting last week at a movie theatre in Aurora, CO), some are made over years (Joe Paterno). We are all of our choices, not just those that we want to remember and people to know.
How conscious are you of your choices and that power? I know I’m not always as aware of the choices I make, or the long term consequences of some (e.g., speeding, running an “orange” light, that sarcastic moment that hurt someone, if I chose to drink and drive). Here’s the truth about some of our thinking – we thought we wouldn’t get caught, or it wouldn’t happen to us, it’ll work out, no big deal, or we’ve made so many small choices that have eroded our character, what’s one more.
Back in January, I wrote a piece about Joe Paterno and his choices (http://www.ldrshipvision.com/blogsite/2012/01/the-painful-lesson-of-joe-paterno/). After Penn State removed his statue from in front of the stadium this weekend, and the NCAA announced its sanction this morning, I re-read my piece just to see what’s changed since January. We know more about who knew what when, but the lessons learned are just as maddening and saddening as they were then.
I don’t know what Joe was thinking, or not thinking, along with others at Penn State. I have a father six years older than Joe. It is a generation that is extremely uncomfortable about the topic of sexual abuse of children. Neither Joe, nor my father, would want to talk about it, nor deal with it. I get that. But he is also from a generation that duty, honor, integrity, meant everything. I guess those values meant everything right up until protecting imagine and an institution became more important. We’ll never know those “moments of truth” and choice for Joe Paterno, but we do know them for ourselves.
When we deal with such a heinous crime as the sexual abuse of children, it is easy to vilify those guilty. But, on a lesser scale, I have been challenged to tell the truth when it would indict a positive image of myself, so I understand the process. I understand the erosion that goes on when we are forced to make choices that are unpleasant, that have consequences that we don’t want to live with.
That is also a choice. How accountable or responsible do I want to be? Is telling this little white lie, or going back on my word just this once that big a deal? It can be. Those choices chip away at our character a little at a time. If we’re not careful it can lead to loss of character and loss of self. It can lead to all we wanted to stand for being gone.
Joe said, “I wish I had done more.” He said it in a humble, remorseful way. I wish you had too, Joe. So do victims and their families. Instead, your life’s work is damaged, tarnished. Your family and friends must live with the disgrace. The university you loved and served must distance itself from you. Sad.
When we say, “You are your choices” it is true. Sometimes what we choose not to do, is as important as what we choose to do. Regardless, there are lessons for all of us, particularly if we lead others.
Note to Penn State: leave Paterno’s name on the library. Joe is his choices, and not all of them were as awful as the ones he made around Sandusky. In fact, some of his choices were commendable and extraordinary, particularly for a football coach. He cared about education and cared about his players being prepared for life and graduating. That passion can’t be taken away. Allow the symbol of his name on the library to stand for those good choices that he made.