I am in the business of change. Even in my current role of Chief Performance Officer, the focus is on change. In business, we constantly evaluate the ‘process’ by which we do things to determine if that process is creating the best results possible. We also look at our strategy to see if it is positioning us for success. My experience as a coach, however, is that we often don’t ask ourselves, “Is what we are doing getting us what we want?” I suppose that is for a variety of reasons – perhaps it didn’t occur to us to ask, or maybe we are too invested in how we do things.
Many people, if not most people, don’t like change. Patterns are comfortable. Predictability is comfortable. Being in control of our world is comfortable. With our patterns and predictability in place, we can worry about other things, like where we are going for dinner, or what to wear to work tomorrow, or…
But does comfort, control, and predictability get us what we want? I suppose that depends on what we want, but my own experience shows that it doesn’t. First, change is inevitable in the world around us. Some we create (having children), and other just show up (having children). People come and go, jobs come and go, where we live comes and goes, products come and go, seasons come and go. Change is constant.
Given that as the backdrop, what about personal change? That can have a very different rate of change depending on the choices we make. Studies have proven that those people with the highest Emotional Intelligence are the most successful in business. In fact, 90% of top performers in business have high emotional intelligence.
Our Emotional Intelligence is made up of Self-Perception (how we see ourselves), Self-Expression (how others see us), Interpersonal Relationships (our ability to create and sustain relationships), Decision-Making (how we make decisions when emotions are present), and Stress Management (how we manage our stress when emotions are present). These five areas comprise our emotional and social functioning, our performance, and our well-being (happiness).
An important thing to understand about our Emotional Intelligence is that we can change it. Unlike other areas of our development that are determined from a fairly young age, such as behavior style and IQ, we can choose to increase our Emotional Intelligence in any of the five areas. This means we are always developing our ability to make better decisions, to view and treat ourselves and others more accurately and respectfully, and to handle stress.
I have coached a number of people, at least for a little while, that were very invested in how they did things. The plain truth is that what got you here (present and past) will often not get you there (future). So, what does it take for people to ‘think differently?’
Initially, we often focus on the other person, “If he/she would just ________, my life would be so much better.” That may be true, but what is the likelihood that will happen? We don’t know, but if we work from the premise that it is not likely, we can develop a mindset that understands that we have to rely on ourselves and our changes rather than on someone else and on theirs. So ask yourself, “What can I do to improve my situation?”
That depends on what you want. Thinking differently often requires some ‘catalytic event’ – something that will help you create the gap between what you want and where you are now – something like, “Unless you change this, you will never reach your goal of ___________.” Sometimes that catalytic event can be created by yourself, but it often requires an external person (e.g., a boss, a significant other) who creates the challenge we need to want to create something different. But, in the end, we hold the key to our own transformation. Thinking differently starts with the willingness to look at ourselves and our circumstances differently, to understand that change is about us, not others.
Thinking differently is not complex; it’s just difficult. Are you hearing messages, or feedback, that you are ignoring because you want a different outcome than what the feedback is telling you? Are you fine just the way you are? Is what you are doing getting you what you want?
Change is about you, about your choices, and about your willingness to think differently. What would you like to change today?
To a better you…
Jim