What Place Does Fear Play in Your Leadership…Your Life?
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “He has not learned the lesson of life who does not every day surmount a fear.”
This month we explore fear. My favorite term for fear is ‘The Great Imposter.’ In my own journey with fear, I have found that I ascribe all sorts of power to it, allowing fear to keep me from doing things, risking things, and, in my younger years, preventing me from becoming more of who I was created to be.
We associate fear mostly as it relates to the future – the place of worry. We can ‘work ourselves up’ over all manner of things about the future. We play ‘what if’ games with ourselves out of fear. When I finally learned to ask, “What is the likelihood of that happening,” my normal answer was, “not likely.” Hence, the term, “The Great Imposter.” I allowed fear to have too much power in my life and leadership. I hope this exploration will allow you to understand more fully what place fear has in your life, and who it is preventing you from becoming.
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Do your best work and be well.
Jim
Fear – The Great Imposter
Fear often stands between us and our ability to make decisions, take actions, ask for what we want—even to know what we really want. It is the gatekeeper of our comfort zone. It is also the ‘great limiter’ in our reaching our potential.
Below are 10 fears that are common to many of us. Do these ring a bell? My experience is that fear is like addiction, it knows no bounds socially, economically, or ethnically. Fear can be the great ‘limiter,’ interfering with our success at work and our joy in relationships and in life.
- Fear of being judged Needing approval from family or peers can keep us from going after dreams and goals.
- Fear of rejection Rejection just means that someone else has a different opinion.
- Fear of emotional pain Rather than incapacitate us, painful feelings can sharpen our sense of joy and gratitude.
- Fear of embarrassment Making mistakes publicly is awful only when we let ourselves feel ashamed.
- Fear of being alone/abandoned A strong sense of self-worth and what we can offer the world reduces this fear.
- Fear of failure A biggie for most of us and born of the notion that it’s not OK to fail.
- Fear of success More responsibility, more attention, pressure to perform can be frightening when we don’t believe in ourselves.
- Fear of expressing feelings An authentic life means being willing to express our true feelings to our loved ones, colleagues, adversaries—even to ourselves.
- Fear of intimacy Emotional intimacy—really being seen by another—can be as scary as physical intimacy.
- Fear of the unknown The unknown can be exciting and vast if we shift our fear to curiosity.
Getting ourselves to a healthy place with our fears requires work. As I mentioned in my lead message, I allowed fear to have too much power during certain stages of my life. Often, the origin of our fear(s) comes from our childhood. It is during that time that we learn how to deal with our fears, or we create some defense. For example, if we believe that “we are not good enough,” then our defense that I must try harder and ‘do’ more in order to be thought of as ‘worthy’ can emerge. I know this one particularly well.
I have found the best way to release my fears is to shine a light on them, acknowledge their existence, and to figure out their root causes. It is in these root causes that we can gain an understanding that allows us to put our fears in proper perspective and take back the power that is rightfully ours.
In leadership, as in our lives, fear can have a devastating effect. If you have a fear of risk, there will likely come a time when you are ‘holding back’ and not leading because of that fear. This can be connected to the fear of the unknown. Unless you address this head-on, it will limit your ability to help lead the change that may be necessary in your department or organization.
Don’t allow fear to grip your life. If exploring the origins of your fear(s) is not successful, seek professional help. You owe it to yourself, and to the organization you work for, to be the best leader you can be.
To a better you…
Jim