The Coach is In…
“We see truth through the eyes of our bias.” – Charles F Glassman
One of the ‘threads’ that came to mind during my writing about grace, acceptance, love in the face of worthiness was ‘bias and assumption.’ I would like to ‘pull’ on that thread now.
Some 40 years ago I was going through sales training when I came across this sentence. “What you believe is important to you because it is your ‘truth,’ but keep in mind that your truth is not necessarily fact.” I read that sentence multiple times. Each time a little more of the insight of that statement sunk in. As I reflected on that statement, I realized that my beliefs came from a variety of sources, and I did indeed treat them as fact even though they are simply my truth.
Prior to that experience, college was another experience that challenged several of my beliefs. These experiences were an opportunity to not only explore my beliefs, but also my biases. That evolution of thought and growth has continued. I continue to learn more about my subconscious biases and about my assumptions. I don’t always like my conclusions.
My working definition of bias, at this point, is “a disproportionate weight in favor of or against an idea or thing, usually in a way that is closed-minded, prejudicial, or unfair. Biases can be innate or learned. People may develop biases for or against an individual, a group, or a belief.” Note: while we, as a culture, may think the word ‘bias’ is about the ‘negative,’ but bias is often neutral until a positive or negative connotation is applied.
While we’re here, let’s add ‘preference’ to the mix. What I’ve seen is that bias, as a noun, is an inclination towards something – a predisposition, partiality, prejudice, while ‘preference’ is the selection of one thing or person over others. For some, it may be a distinction without much of a difference.
All that said, I believe what is important is to understand our own biases/preferences and how they influence our behavior. You may find that your journey to understand more about your biases might be challenged by your ability to be aware of those biases that are subconscious.
Some questions that accompany this exploration might be: What is my bias about __________? (Awareness) Where/who did it come from? Does this bias help me? A corollary question might be, does this bias help me to be more inclusive with others? If not, is this something that I want to change?
What are you/me biases or preferences related to these things (these are intended to get you started; choose those that are most helpful/meaningful to you):
Gender
Physical aspects of a person
People with mental health issues
Race
Religion
Education
Children
People who are handicapped
Sexuality
Sports
Nature
People that don’t look like me
People who don’t come from here
Accountability
People who are quiet
People who are loud
People who are homeless
Democracy
Independence (my)
Compromise
Let’s talk a moment about ‘assumptions.’ One of my favorite explorations of assumptions comes from Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements. Assumptions is one of the four agreements. While there is a broader perspective to be gained by including one of the other agreements (don’t take it personally), I will focus on assumptions.
Assumptions work hand in hand with bias. As Ruiz says, “The problem with assumptions is that we believe they are the truth.” When I first looked at how much energy I had invested in either making assumptions or taking things personally, I was stunned! Within our biases about others (individuals or groups), how often are the assumptions we make not based on personal experience, but on a bias formed (generalized) by something we have read, or someone has said?
We make a lot of assumptions in daily life. Some of those assumptions we may even ‘gossip’ about when they deal with others. Why? My observation is because it is easier than asking questions. It is a lot harder to ask questions; to find out what the ‘truth’ is. Ruiz writes, “We have agreed that it is not safe to ask questions; we have agreed that if people love us, they should know what we want or how we feel. When we believe something, we assume we are right about it to the point that we will destroy relationships in order to defend our position.”
Examining our biases/assumptions is not easy. My journey along this path has taken years and continues today. I am disappointed when I find myself making assumptions about someone(s) or something, even when I know better.
The current climate of how our culture is dealing with race, gender, police brutality and sexual orientation challenges our biases if we choose to be aware. For me, it is a place of bias and supremacy that is uncomfortable. It’s a place that may be more occupied by subconscious biases than conscious. They are the worst. I am not aware of all the ways that I am biased and how they affect my behavior. I do know that living with certain beliefs of being ‘right’ and discovering that within that sense of being ‘right’ I am contributing to a system that favors one race or one gender over another doesn’t feel ‘right.’
Learning that my unconscious biases co-exist alongside prejudices that I wouldn’t espouse is part of being a living paradox. I understand that there is a broader human dynamic around ‘biases’ that everyone struggles with (e.g., that which we espouse, that which we live, and those behaviors that differ from what we espouse). That level of awareness does not bring comfort. Robert Greenleaf (Servant Leadership) reminded us, again and again, that awareness does not bring comfort. “When I wake up and become aware I, more often than I would like, also become disturbed.” That ‘disturbed’ state hopefully can also be the catalyst for change.
Perhaps, I’ve left you with more questions than answers. Don’t worry, you have the power of choice as to what you do with those questions. I have found that the tough questions are the very questions that broadened my sense of self and increase the richness of my life.
Toward a better you…
Jim