Life is not linear; we understand that. Yet, armed with all kinds of knowledge that you would think would take us in a certain (read healthier/better) direction, we end up somewhere else. In my coaching profession, I have had a chance to observe that on numerous occasions. When it occurs within your family…well…it can be painful to watch.
Over Thanksgiving, my good friend gave me two tickets to the Colts Thursday night game (five rows up … he’s a very good friend), and I took my son, Chad. The game wasn’t worth talking about, but it was our first father/son-only sporting event. After the game, Chad suggested we get a beer. It was a great idea, except that it was Thanksgiving night, so we ended up at home. Between midnight and 3 a.m., Chad processed a lot about his life, including its direction. I said very little; I just listened. It was obvious that he was “gnawing” on some areas of his life that he wanted to change.
The next day I asked Chad if the previous evening’s discussion was of value. He told me that it helped give him clarity about where his central issues are. He paused and then said, “But of course, we all know that my track record for follow-through and change isn’t all that good.”
A great thing about life is that we get a number of opportunities to make better choices, so I asked Chad why he thought he didn’t have a good track record with follow-through. He replied that it takes discipline and courage to change. So, is that the ‘Holy Grail’ reason that life isn’t linear? I doubt it. Perhaps it’s just one person’s reason, but maybe not. Changing our lives is difficult work, often because we have some deep-seated patterns/habits already in place. We tend to replay the same ‘tape’ in the same circumstance over and over, sometimes expecting a different outcome (insanity). If we magically see the situation in a different light and are ready to change, it is often because, at that particular moment, we are open in a way that we hadn’t been before. We are more willing to change, experiencing just enough courage to alter the course of our lives.
I could have peppered Chad with a series of thought-provoking questions that night, but I didn’t. I figured he was already wrestling with a fair amount of information and thoughts. We’ll see how that goes.
The Christmas season for me is primarily a season of hope. A time of renewal, of magic…of new beginnings. Might this be your time? A time to be more open to change in your life? A time where your openness to that change is also accompanied by a different sense of urgency, courage, and discipline? That would be my wish for you.
Remember, there are numerous times to make changes in our lives…right up until there isn’t.
To a better you…
Jim