Say What?
By Jim Struck, Leadership Vision, LLC

Truly listening – to ourselves, to other people – is a gift. Think about it. How often in your life does something turn out badly because we failed to listen?

Listening is not just about hearing and understanding, it is one of the key ways that we connect with people. Listening is a cornerstone behavior when establishing respect and trust with people. Am I heard? Is he/she interested in what I have to say? Am I important to this person? Do my ideas matter?

Whether it is a function of training, time, or interest, one of the chief complaints I hear about leaders is that they don’t listen. We teach leaders a lot about being clear – having clear expectations about the job or the assignment. We want people to be more articulate, be good at expressing themselves. We may send leaders to a communications class to learn active listening. Improved skills in talking and listening center around clarity so that we are able to get more things done with improved quality. Great. I have no arguments with those skills.

There is a next level of listening and this is listening with the intent of connecting. Why? When we connect we are more engaged, whether that is inside or outside of work. People who are more engaged enjoy life more, live longer, and get more things done. In your agency, look around. Do you have some team leaders, supervisors, or middle/upper management people who are good listeners? How do you feel when you are around them? Do you feel heard, that your opinions matter, that YOU matter? Do you or others work a little harder for those individuals? Do their teams seem to do better? (If you can’t find any call me!)

Some goals for connecting.
1. Be more interested in what others are saying than what you are saying. To borrow from Covey, seek first to understand, then be understood. It is the chief way that we send the message that “your ideas and you matter to me.”
2. Empathize as a routine part of how you listen. Compassion and empathy send a powerful message about how you care.
3. Help people to feel valuable. People who feel valued are more secure which leads to greater capability.
4. Help others to listen better by helping them to breathe – emotionally and mentally. Giving them some space and time to accomplish this will help them refocus on the task at hand (see story below).

Some of you may find this difficult and even say, “Why would I want to behave in these ways? This is a place of business. I don’t have time to coddle everybody!” The major reason to listen to connect is that your business will run better because your people will be more engaged/motivated and likely to get more done.

One final story. The pressure in a collection agency for increased performance is enormous. The stress is visible for many of my clients. Pat was no exception. Pat was bright, hard working, and cared deeply about doing well. She placed herself under enormous pressure to do her best in order to keep her job. Unfortunately, Pat was so stressed that there were mounting examples of Pat not being able to fully do her job due to her stress.

Initially, Pat was tight-lipped about sharing her struggles. I decided to change my approach. The third meeting with Pat started with me saying to Pat, “Breathe.” When Pat began to speak in her normal fast-paced, I’m overwhelmed voice, I repeated “breathe”. This pattern went on for a couple of minutes. At that point I watched her posture and her facial expression relax. The next thing I said to Pat was, “You care deeply about your job and you have a number of good skills, but your stress level is preventing you from thinking clearly about the priorities of your job. I believe that we can find a way to solve that to make you more productive. Is that something you would like to do?” “Yes!” was Pat’s response.

In those brief seconds I provided Pat sufficient space and time to exhale mentally and emotionally. This allowed her to improve her focus on working the solution rather than working the problem. I demonstrated to her that I cared, that I understood, and that there was a way for her to improve.

While I’m a trained professional coach, anyone can save the “Pats” of the world. It takes very little additional time. Most of it is about listening and responding in a way that helps us connect. In that connection is the power to transform people and to transform ourselves into better leaders and people.