Billy Graham once said something to the effect, “The greatest surprise in my life is how short it is.” This is from a man who is now 96!
A few years back I was mentoring a young man from our church. He was a senior in college and full of questions and anxiety about his future. As he went on about going to seminary, possibly getting married, wondering where God wanted him and where he would locate, I finally interrupted him and said, BREATHE! He stopped, took a deep breath and then looked at me. For several seconds I sat in silence with him, allowing the quiet to wash over him and all the ‘noise’ he had in his head.
Then I said, “Brandon, learn to embrace the chaos in your life.” He thought I was crazy, but as he moved forward in the years since that time he acknowledged that was good advice. For some, ‘chaos’ (complete disorder and confusion) may be too extreme a term to describe the state of their lives. For others, it may not be descriptive enough.
Why is it important for us to ‘embrace the chaos?’ It is important for the same reason that it is important to embrace the ‘now’ in our lives…because this is the moment we have been given – nothing more, nothing less. I have spent way too much energy in my life trying to establish some security, some pattern that was comfortable, some predictability. To what end? Life teaches us, sometimes quite harshly, that it is all temporary. We have all lost friends and loved ones who were gone in a moment, or got sick and then were gone. They had spent a lifetime ‘building’ or ‘protecting what they built,’ and now it was gone, or they were.
But ‘embracing the chaos’ is not only about embracing the moment, but is also about having the trust and the confidence that we will ‘figure out’ the decision(s) we need to make, or the problems we need to solve at the time we most need to do so, or we won’t, and we will find a different path. That understanding allows us to ‘lean’ into the moment and understand that life is full of ‘chaotic’ moments, moments that give us pause and take our breath away because of their tragedy (the death of someone we loved), and moments that give us joy and take our breath away (sunrise at the Grand Canyon, birth of a child).
As many of you know, my father is 94. For years I have worried about dad’s final days. So many decisions and wanting to do the right thing, but not knowing anything about nursing homes, insurance, funeral arrangements, disposing of the house, being executor, the list goes on. When mom and dad decided they wanted to stay in their home and didn’t want to make any contingency plans, I knew that things would be ‘chaotic.’ It took me awhile to come to terms and peace about that decision, knowing they were inviting ‘chaos’ into my life.
We are there. And you know what? It’s okay. Oh, it isn’t pleasant, but we are here…learning about nursing homes, and long term care insurance, other insurance, disposal of the house, and…chaos. There are people to help answer questions, to guide the decision – to solve the problems and make the decisions. Will there be mistakes made? Likely. But life isn’t about perfect. It is about showing up in those moments trusting in yourself and that there will be others to help you, and if your beliefs permit, God to bring you through.
In all the ‘chaotic’ moments of our lives we have the opportunity to build our capacity. This is not only the capacity of what we know and can do, but it is building the capacity of who we choose to become through these moments.
Some of us have built extensive ‘webs of worry’ as our way to react to our chaos. Does that work for you? Are you getting what you want? In our heart of hearts most of us would answer “no,” but we know no other way. My encouragement is to choose something different. A different way of thinking about your ‘chaos’ (it’s not chaos, it is just the nature of life and this moment, these moments, are my turn); a way of turning that which is difficult into that which is life changing. Not complex, just difficult.
You’ve been given now. What’s the most important choice you need to make in your ‘now’ moment(s) that will enhance who you are and your life experience?