My coach training taught me that this is one of the quintessential evaluative questions we can ask/answer. Another way that I phrase this with my clients is, “Is what you are doing getting you what you want?”
I am fascinated, and maybe a little disturbed, by the number of times that I observe individuals not making a connection between what they are doing and what they are getting. It appears that they are ‘surprised’ by how what they chose to do worked out…particularly, when a number of their friends might say, “Well duh, what did you think would happen?” (I refer to this lack of thinking or reflection as the Terminal Teenager.)
If you read my writing regularly you know that I write about ‘intention.’ (Intention = purpose of action to get a specific result.) My observation is that we often don’t live with intention and therefore don’t choose in clear and predictive ways. We are then ‘surprised’ by what the outcomes/consequences are. OR, we know the outcome will be disadvantageous and choose that path anyway. A subject for another day.
I believe there is a connection between how we nurture and deplete our energy (care for ourselves) and these moments of ‘unintention’ (I know, not a word). My friend, Richard will refer to the times we ‘deplete’ ourselves, as times when we do ‘violence’ to ourselves. When I first heard him use this term I was struck by the power of the reference and the power of how we ‘care’ for ourselves. We seem to have our ‘favorite’ ways of depleting (alcohol, food, work, physical, mental, emotional, and spirit abuse). You name it and you will find many of us finding ways to limit who we can be. Why do we choose to do this? A subject for another day.
The people I find that are more intentional in their choices and how they live and care for themselves are the people that are close to the highest version of themselves. These are the people that are capable of their ‘highest contribution.’ They are giving of themselves in a way that is a natural expression of who they are. They are aligned in what they believe and how they act.
When they are asked, “How’s that working for you?” they will respond, “Great!” So how do we get where they are, assuming that is what we want? INNER WORK! To live a life that is more aligned, where we ‘discover’ who we were created to be takes a great deal of ‘communion’ and ‘excavation’ to come to know and accept the ‘dark’ of who we are and how we deplete ourselves and don’t care for ourselves. This allows us to experience the ‘light’ of who we are, our purpose, and align what we believe and value with what we think and do. When that occurs there is a greater inner peace, an intention to our life (choosing to do those things that honor us) a gratitude for our journey, and a sense of being ‘blessed’ that we have been able to discover ‘our purpose.’
Those of you who know me, and those of you who share my writing, know, or suspect, that I am a person who loves meaningful conversation. I also love living with intention and purpose.
I was fortunate that in addition to meaningful conversations, my son taught me the value of just ‘hanging out’ with others and being present – to shut down for a moment and simply experience another in the moment. Not every encounter must have purpose, or the purpose is simply to ‘be together.’ It’s a balance. For me, it is a pause between meaningful conversations.
At the end of the day, I still want others to be able to ask and answer, “How’s that working for you?” in a way that reflects the ‘inner work’ that they have done. I suppose that you can view life as an ‘accidental journey,’ but then, it seems to me, you will answer, “How is that working for you”…in this way…”I don’t know, or no.” Is that really what you want?
To a better you…